God is writing my love story.

What I'm about to share is deeply personal. I've only shared this with a few close friends. One of my friends, Gabrielle, suggested I blog about this. I put that idea on the back burner for a while because I wasn't sure I wanted to share something so near to my heart. But recent situations have inspired me to share some thoughts I've had about the possibility of marriage in my future.

I'm single. I've never been in a serious relationship before. I turn 26 in March of 2012. I recently heard a statistic suggesting that 26 was the average age of brides in the USA. I'd like to get excited about this because if I'm average, I should be walking down that aisle sometime next year. But lets face it, my plans and my ways are far different from what God may have planned for me.

I look around at my friends and it seems like most of them are married. Some of them have already had or are expecting their first child. My other friends are engaged. I know 2 couples that have been able to change their Facebook status to "engaged" recently. I was even able to attend my first wedding this September. I feel like marriage is all around me. Please don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy for these friends of mine. I have no doubt that God has ordained these marriages and love stories they share. But I must confess that I feel like the marriage boat is passing me by as I stand upon the dock, watching everyone else board.

It doesn't help that I'm such a cheesy romantic at heart. My friend Eric always jokes about how he can so easily imagine me laying on my bed, writing in my journal, while listening to love songs by Taylor Swift, and just sighing in agreement. It's easy to imagine (probably because I've lived out that moment more than once). I get giddy and whimsical when I think about romance. I've spent so much time thinking about marriage here lately. I daydream about my future husband, our wedding, and our family. I also get overly excited about the idea of having someone I can talk to all the time about God, someone that I can pray with, someone I can worship with, someone I can minister with, and someone I can have Bible study with. I truly desire these things.

I could easily date around and see if I meet the right guy. But that's not what I want, not at all. I think our culture's idea of dating is very flawed and leaves a lot to be desired. I'd rather just have a friendship turn to something more. I don't want to pursue someone just because I'm longing for a relationship. I want something with a true foundation of love and friendship. Because if I can't be friends with someone, I probably can't expect much from a romantic relationship.

Well a couple of months back I was praying about what God would have in store for me. I truly believe God spoke to me about dating and has advised me to remain single for at least a year. When praying about this God lead me to the book of Esther and showed me something very interesting within that book.

"Each young woman’s turn came to go in to King Ahasuerus after she had completed twelve months’ preparation, according to the regulations for the women, for thus were the days of their preparation apportioned: six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with perfumes and preparations for beautifying women." Esther 2:12

Before Esther was to marry and become queen she was prepared for a year with beauty treatments. Now I'm not suggesting that God told me to head to the salon in 2012. But I do believe there is something very special for Christian women to take note of here. What preparations are we making for our future marriages? Are we going to be ready, are we going to be as beautiful as we can be for our husbands? This is not just a physical thing. God is not a shallow God that is merely concerned about the outside. God sees our heart. I believe God also spent this year with Esther preparing her spiritually. I believe God has told me that He will beautify me both physically and spiritually this year, but my eyes must remain upon Him.

What does this mean for me? It means I need to stop trying to be such a princess when it comes to marriage. I need to trust what God has spoken to me and walk in obedience. I need to stop daydreaming so much. I need to avoid flirting or anything that could be misconstrued as such. I need to trust that God is writing my love story. So that's what I will aim to do over this next year. I pray that I will not waste this precious time, nor will I dread it. I will aim to use my every day and my every word as a way to glorify God in my singleness, and if He wills it, one day I hope to glorify God in my marriage. But for now I desire my heart to belong solely to the Lord, after all the Scriptures say:

"For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts..." Isaiah 54:5