God is writing my love story.

What I'm about to share is deeply personal. I've only shared this with a few close friends. One of my friends, Gabrielle, suggested I blog about this. I put that idea on the back burner for a while because I wasn't sure I wanted to share something so near to my heart. But recent situations have inspired me to share some thoughts I've had about the possibility of marriage in my future.

I'm single. I've never been in a serious relationship before. I turn 26 in March of 2012. I recently heard a statistic suggesting that 26 was the average age of brides in the USA. I'd like to get excited about this because if I'm average, I should be walking down that aisle sometime next year. But lets face it, my plans and my ways are far different from what God may have planned for me.

I look around at my friends and it seems like most of them are married. Some of them have already had or are expecting their first child. My other friends are engaged. I know 2 couples that have been able to change their Facebook status to "engaged" recently. I was even able to attend my first wedding this September. I feel like marriage is all around me. Please don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy for these friends of mine. I have no doubt that God has ordained these marriages and love stories they share. But I must confess that I feel like the marriage boat is passing me by as I stand upon the dock, watching everyone else board.

It doesn't help that I'm such a cheesy romantic at heart. My friend Eric always jokes about how he can so easily imagine me laying on my bed, writing in my journal, while listening to love songs by Taylor Swift, and just sighing in agreement. It's easy to imagine (probably because I've lived out that moment more than once). I get giddy and whimsical when I think about romance. I've spent so much time thinking about marriage here lately. I daydream about my future husband, our wedding, and our family. I also get overly excited about the idea of having someone I can talk to all the time about God, someone that I can pray with, someone I can worship with, someone I can minister with, and someone I can have Bible study with. I truly desire these things.

I could easily date around and see if I meet the right guy. But that's not what I want, not at all. I think our culture's idea of dating is very flawed and leaves a lot to be desired. I'd rather just have a friendship turn to something more. I don't want to pursue someone just because I'm longing for a relationship. I want something with a true foundation of love and friendship. Because if I can't be friends with someone, I probably can't expect much from a romantic relationship.

Well a couple of months back I was praying about what God would have in store for me. I truly believe God spoke to me about dating and has advised me to remain single for at least a year. When praying about this God lead me to the book of Esther and showed me something very interesting within that book.

"Each young woman’s turn came to go in to King Ahasuerus after she had completed twelve months’ preparation, according to the regulations for the women, for thus were the days of their preparation apportioned: six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with perfumes and preparations for beautifying women." Esther 2:12

Before Esther was to marry and become queen she was prepared for a year with beauty treatments. Now I'm not suggesting that God told me to head to the salon in 2012. But I do believe there is something very special for Christian women to take note of here. What preparations are we making for our future marriages? Are we going to be ready, are we going to be as beautiful as we can be for our husbands? This is not just a physical thing. God is not a shallow God that is merely concerned about the outside. God sees our heart. I believe God also spent this year with Esther preparing her spiritually. I believe God has told me that He will beautify me both physically and spiritually this year, but my eyes must remain upon Him.

What does this mean for me? It means I need to stop trying to be such a princess when it comes to marriage. I need to trust what God has spoken to me and walk in obedience. I need to stop daydreaming so much. I need to avoid flirting or anything that could be misconstrued as such. I need to trust that God is writing my love story. So that's what I will aim to do over this next year. I pray that I will not waste this precious time, nor will I dread it. I will aim to use my every day and my every word as a way to glorify God in my singleness, and if He wills it, one day I hope to glorify God in my marriage. But for now I desire my heart to belong solely to the Lord, after all the Scriptures say:

"For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts..." Isaiah 54:5

Need a hug?

Have you ever had one of those days where all you really needed was a hug? There is just something really special and intimate about a hug given at the right time. There is something about an embrace from a loved one that just lifts your spirits and reaffirms your value in their eyes. Such a simple physical affection can bring so much comfort to your soul.

Confession: I'm a bit of a hugger. I try to contain it at times. But once in a while I do catch people off guard as I throw my arms around them. I've always appreciated hugs. I know I'm not the only one. One of my favorite spoken word poets, Bradley Hathaway, has a poem about how great it would be to hug God. You can find that poem here. I really identify with this. If only God could embrace us in this way and provide that comfort we so often crave.

What I'm about to share is not an original discovery of my own within the Scriptures. I heard a message preached last week on television that really left me in awe of our God. I decided to research what the pastor said and found it to be true. So I pray this discovery comforts you as it has me.

In chapter 10 of Acts, Peter shares the Gospel message of Jesus Christ. He finishes up by saying (verse 43):

"To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins."

This powerful message was accompanied by God's presence as we're told in the very next verse (verse 44):

"While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Ghost fell on all them which heard the word."

Now I'd like to go back to the book of Luke. Most of us are familiar with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. We rejoice as we read of the son's return in verse 20 which states:

"And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (KJV)

It's interesting that these 2 stories that seem very different have something major in common- the word "fell". The Greek word used here is "epipipto" and it means to embrace with affection. Just as the Father embraces his son with that much needed hug, so the Holy Spirit also hugs us when He falls upon us.

The idea of a hug from God can be a reality when the Holy Spirit falls upon us, for it is God Himself hugging us. Notice that this happened when the powerful Gospel message was shared. Need a hug from God? Speak the Gospel truth and take comfort in the presence of the Holy Spirit as He wraps His arms around you.

New Year's Resolutions

Ok so every year my friend Eric and I post New Year's Resolutions blogs. Usually I end up deleting the list after a month or so because I feel like a failure when I reflect on how many I've actually kept. Though I would say that I've kept 2 of my resolutions/goals of 2011. I wanted to grow in godliness. While I'm not as holy as I'd like to be, I have noticed maturity. I also wanted to lose weight. Currently I'm down 56 pounds. I think the reason I so often fail to keep these resolutions is because I put too much pressure on myself at the beginning of the year and the slightest slip up gets me discouraged to the point of giving up and moving on. But as a whole, 2011 has been a year of change for me and I'm thankful that God has blessed me.

So here are 10 goals/resolutions I have for the year of 2012 in no particular order:

1. Holiness- I'd like to continue to grow in godliness. I want to be more devoted to God. I want to be more devoted to worship, prayer, Bible study, and ministering to others. I want to love others more than I do and really show that love. I want God to use me to serve Him by serving the Church. I want to be in love with God more than anyone or anything else. I also want to become a prayer warrior that talks to God so much that God finds Himself overwhelmed with me.

2. Weight loss- My weight loss focus for 2011 didn't really begin until about half way through the year, maybe even later. I need to work on my diet and keep avoiding those cookies. I want to spend the whole year of 2012 working on this. I want to spend a lot of time in the gym working out and toning certain areas. I also have a lot of personal fitness goals I desire to reach. I believe God has been blessing my efforts so far and I give Him all the glory for this.

3. Financial goals- I'm currently looking for a job and recently had a phone interview. Hopefully this all comes together for me. I am hopeful that 2012 will be a year where I become faithful in my giving/tithing, I'd like to purchase a car, and provide for my family.

4. IHOP- I really want to visit the International House Of Prayer and spend some time in worship there. Even a weekend trip would do.

5. Remain single- I know that's an odd sounding goal. Around the end of October of 2011 I believe God spoke to my heart about remaining single for at least a year. I want God to rid my heart of that desire for a relationship until the time is right, and help me walk in obedience. I want to stop flirting and daydreaming about romance, stop pursuing relationships, and just allow God to write my love story.

6.Hang out with Eric- So I have this friend that is like a brother to me. His name is Eric. I haven't seen him in person in over 4 years. I just need a couple days to hang out with him and laugh. He currently lives in MD, and I'm in TN.

7. Learn to speak Spanish- Thanks to my good friend John I have a lot of books that could help me with this. I've just been too lazy to pursue this goal. I'd love to learn the language and be able to minister in whatever way God would use this.

8. Perform a spoken word piece in public- I enjoy writing poetry and lately I've developed a love for word play. I want to share one of these poems at an open mic event.

9. Be outdoorsy- I want to go camping, hiking, swimming, fishing, maybe even rock climbing. If it's outside, I want to do it.

10. Read more- I've got a Kindle, I've got a box of books. I always say I want to do this but rarely follow through with it. I mean I read, but not enough to look back and say "Wow, I read a good amount that year."

Galatians 2:20

Tonight at Church we discussed Galatians 2:20 which says:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

We discussed how Christ held nothing back when it came to His sacrifice. He sacrificed everything for us, His entire life upon this earth.

Jesus was so willing to make sacrifices all for the sake of love. He loved the Father, He loved the comforter that would soon come (the Holy Spirit), and He loved those that would call upon Him for salvation. He loved so intensely, so severely, that laying down His life was proof of this. He even told us that His love was sincere when he explained that "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." (John 15:13)

He gave it all. When is the last time we gave everything within us, everything we have to glorify God? I sometimes give God bits and pieces of my heart. I sometimes have a burst of dedication to Christ manifest within my spirit. But I feel I can honestly say I rarely (if ever) have a selfless, dedicated, truly focused sacrifice when it comes to glorifying God.

Our sin did not come free. It cost Christ everything. Now we'll never be able to repay Him. But I hope to live a life of dedication, making whatever sacrifices I can. He held back nothing when it came to His love for us. We should hold nothing back when it comes to our love for Him. Let us walk in sacrificial love for God's glory.

Women's Ministry Dropout. Yup.

I'm a "women's ministry dropout." My good friend Cindy coined this term when I told her that I usually try to avoid programs that are specifically aimmed at women. But being honest, I think dropout implies that I was once heavily involved in a women's ministry. I've never been very involved with these types of programs. I've went to one service that was for females only, and caught maybe the last 5 minutes of another women's gathering. Now I have no issue with those of you that enjoy these types of programs. Perhaps one day I will enjoy them as well. But at the moment I'd rather be the "dropout."

Why do I dislike women's ministries? Well for a number of reasons really. The main reason- I don't fit in. I mean yes, I meet the general qualification- I am a female. But I feel as if these programs usually exclude single, childless women. So here is a small list of reasons that explain my issue with programs aimmed at women specifcially:

1. I'm single.

These programs are great for married women. We can sit around and talk about our marriages. We can share advice and prayers about how to build a strong, happy, and healthy marriage. We can share funny or heart-warming stories about our significant other. We can even watch "Fireproof" again! It's not that I have a problem with any of these things. All of these things are lovely. But as an unmarried, single woman- I just feel very out of place. I don't have a story about my husband, I don't have a marriage that needs advice, and Kirk Cameron's love dare doesn't mean anything to me. I appreciate the advice. Maybe one day I'll marry, and I'll be able to apply what I've learned. But at the moment marriage doesn't seem to be in my future. If it turns out that I am to be single for the rest of my life (which I hope is not the case), you could imagine that these types of gatherings wouldn't be the most pleasant thing for someone that is not happy with being single.

2. I'm not a Mom.

Women's ministries are great for mothers. All-female gatherings are a great place to learn from other mothers, sell items for your child's fundraiser at school, reflect on motherhood, or even share photos of your little angels. They could even provide Mom with some much needed fellowship or me-time. Again, all of these things are lovely. But since I don't have children, I can't help but feel a little out of place. Sure, I'll look at your photo album of little Tommy's camping trip. And yes, I'd love to hear about Suzie's ballet recital. I just don't have anything to contribute when it comes to the topic of children.

3. I can't cook.

Cooking up a storm and swapping recipes are the norm for a lot of women's programs. Food is good and I'm always cool with trying something delicious. But I really can't contribute anything when it comes to spending time in the kitchen. Seeing reasons 1 and 2, you could probably guess that I'm not much of a cook. I'm the type of girl that is thrilled with Ramen noodles or oatmeal. That is the extent of my culinary skills. So unless you'd like me to boil the water for the noodles, I'm afraid I won't be of much assistance. But if the cooking was for a good cause like raising money for the Church, or feeding the hungry- I'm ready to put on my appron and turn those Ramen noodles into gourmet Ramen noodles. I'm just not of much use when it comes to cooking simply for the sake of cooking.

4. When it comes to arts and crafts, I'm no Martha Stewart.

This reason is probably the one that I'm the least worried about. I enjoy being creative and making cute little things. I love craft stores, I love craft supplies, and hot glue guns are fun! I just can't sew, knit, or anything like that. But I can honestly say I've never made anything impressive. If we were to make these things and sell them as a fundraiser, I'd try my best. I'm not really against the idea of making stuff. It can be fun. It's just not my first pick when given a list of activities.

5. Theology, please?

Reason number 5 isn't a complaint really. I'm sure there are women's bible studies that are filled with God-honoring theology. I'm actually the type of person that gets excited about studying and discussing the Word. In fact, I'd love to find a Bible study that offers this type of commitment to the Scriptures. But I'll just throw this out there- just because we're female doesn't mean we have to discuss the roles of a wife or the book of Esther, again. We don't always have to focus on gender specific issues, of females in the Bible. Let's be real with our approach to Bible study and view it as a whole, not as something we should pick apart because something seems especially girly.

I recognize that ministry is not about me, but about serving others. So I hope whoever reads this can recognize that when it comes down to serving others I will always do my best to step up. My aim was to specifically address the non-serving aspects. Now after sharing a few of these reasons with Cindy, she said something along the lines of "Well the younger women are supposed to learn from the older women." I absolutely agree with this statement. There is a wealth of wisdom that can be passed down from the elder women to the younger women and I hope to receive these things and use them to glorify God. But I'd like to take a look at the Scripture I think Cindy was refering to:

Tit 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, (4) and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, (5) to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

Now of course there are things listed that I could learn from older women in a women's ministry: that which is good, self-control, purity, working at home, kindness, and many other things that are not listed. But from this verse I'd gather that the general idea was that the younger women receiving the instruction were married since it does say "...train the young women to love their husbands and children...[and to be] submissive to their own husbands..."

Funny thought though- sometimes God takes what you've thought or said and turns it around on you. How funny would it be to find myself married, raising children, cooking up a storm, sewing quilts and reading about Esther sometime in the future? But for the time being, I'll remain a "women's ministry dropout."

Overwhelm the Lord.

Were you an overwhelming child? Could you take "no" for an answer? Did you bug your parents when you wanted something? When I was little (I'd guess I was in 3rd grade) I really wanted one of those mini backpack purses. I don't know if you guys remember these things, but they were so popular at my elementary school. All of the cool girls wore the backpack purses while on the playground. It was a popular trend of the 90s and I just thought these purses were the coolest thing. So I remember bugging my Mom about them. I told her how cool I'd be if I had one. I told her that everyone has one. I told her that I just need one so badly. This probably lasted for a couple of weeks. Well one day I remember my Mom called me from work and said "I have a surprise for you and your sister, so do you want blue or red?" When I got off the phone I found my sister and told her about what Mom had said. We sat there for a while and tried to figure out what our surprise could be. With the 2 color options we figured it was probably 2 Power Ranger toys. My sister and I were fond of the Power Rangers when we were little. I mean you guys know season one was awesome, what little girl didn't want to be Kimberly (the pink ranger)? Anyways, when our Mom got home that day we were so happy that it wasn't another Power Ranger toy (we already had a few). Instead, Mom had went out on her lunch break and bought 2 mini backpack purses!! Our pestering had worked! Mom broke down and got us what we wanted. So yes, I was probably an overwhelming child that could not take "no" for an answer. But my persistence paid off.

I don't think my overwhelming, persistent attitude transitioned into adulthood with me. I mean if I really want something I will try my best to obtain it. But I'm not as aggravating about things as I once was. The reason I share all of this is because some Scripture was shared with me a few hours ago and it's been on my mind for a good portion of my morning. In one of the Gospels Jesus tells a story that is meant to encourage His people to constantly be in prayer. He talks about this overwhelming, persistent attitude in a positive light. Jesus shares the story of this judge. There was this judge that had no concern for God or men. Jesus describes this judge as being unrighteous. He's a bad guy. Jesus also talks about a persistent widow. This widow believed she had experienced some sort of injustice and was not satisfied with the way things were going. So she continually kept going to this judge and requesting that he grant her justice against her adversary. The judge would rule against her, so she'd come back and bug him some more. Finally one day the judge got exhausted with having to deal with this persistent woman who refused to give up. He decided to rule in her favor just so she would leave him alone. I find it interesting that Jesus gives us this widow that refuses to take "no" for an answer as our example of how we should approach prayer. It's kind of a funny story. Persistence pays. You can read about this in Luke 18:1-8.

Now as I mentioned, Jesus did share this story to encourage us to pray and not lose heart. What's interesting is what Jesus says to close this story:

"Hear what the unrighteous judge says. (7) And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? (8) I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

Jesus says that His people will be a people dedicated to prayer, day and night. God hears the prayers of His people, and He will grant them what is right. But are we being faithful? Are we trusting that God is sovereign? Are we trusting that He will grant what is right and that He is working all things together for the good of those that love Him (Romans 8:28)? Are we being persistent in our prayer lives? The widow overwhelmed that judge. One request was not enough. Are we praying like this? Do we constantly pour our hearts out to God, requesting our needs over and over, exercising the faith that Christ desires? Don't give up, don't lose heart. Keep pressing into prayer. Challenge yourself to pray so much that your constant prayer life overhwhelms God. This Scripture teaches us that we must be persistent with our faith. Do your best to overwhelm God because if the unrighteous will eventually give what is good, certainly the source of righteousness will grant that which is better. Your request could be anything! Maybe you're praying about the salvation of your spouse? Maybe there is a financial need? Maybe you've been crying out to God for a physical healing in your body? That prayer request that seems to get no further than the ceiling, keep taking it to the Lord. Overwhelm the Lord with your requests and stay in prayer. He will give you what is best.