I want my first love back.

I’ve been studying Revelation and I’ve come across this message that I feel needs to be shared with everyone. We can really learn a lot from the church in Ephesus. And right now... I want my first love back.

"To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: The One who holds the seven stars in His right hand, the One who walks among the seven golden lampstands, says this: ’I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to be false; and you have perseverance and have endured for My name’s sake, and have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have left your first love." (Revelation 2:1-4)

This scripture is part of a letter to a church that was a very real place, but we can all learn from this church and what God had to say about it. I like how God writes letters. Look at what He says. He starts off by acknowledging their commitment to revealing truth. They’re not going to tolerate wicked men. And they’re testing all who present themselves as prophets. I love how God points out that He sees their good works.

But then he moves on to say "you have left your first love". But what is that first love Jesus is talking about?

I mean its easy to speculate what exactly it was that Jesus was talking about. My first love? Hmmm... it would probably be this boy named Brett from the first grade that I sat near in class. He made first grade funny with his cool erasers and tshirts with sharks on them. Ahh memories..

No that can’t be it. Why would God care about the status of my first grade crush?What about the first time I really experienced love? What about those times spent dating and just thinking about that special someone? Could that be the love Jesus was talking about? Of course not. It just doesn't make sense. Not everyone has even experienced that.

So if this isn't a personal first love that everyone has had or dealt with, then it must be a biblical first love. That word "first" must not mean a love that came in a certain order, but a love that holds priority or ranking.

So where does that leave us? What is that first love?

"Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?" And He said to him, YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND- This is the great and FOREMOST commandment" (Matthew 22:36-38)

So there it is- that first love is the love of God. Putting God first on your list of priorities. Now did they stop loving God? Obviously not. They wouldn't carry on with investigating false prophets and persevering through all the problems that the church of Ephesus was dealing with (strange doctrines, wolves holding positions in the ministry just to name a couple) if they didn't love God. They obviously loved God, but they weren't putting Him first. Jesus wasn't number one in their lives. Doctrine was.

Upon reading this I couldn't help but break down and cry. Where is God on my list? Is He number one? Has He ever been number one?I mean when I first got saved I was constantly reading my bible. I took so many notes and killed my pink highlighter by using it on just about every single page of my bible. I would listen to a sermon or even a Relient K CD and just cry when I reflected how how intense my love for God was. I was at work at least 3 nights a week. I had prayer lists going. I prayed for anything and everything. I would pray when I heard an ambulance go by, "Dear Lord please let that person be ok. If they’re not ok and they are going to pass I pray that they come to know you before leaving this world". I would watch the news and just shake my head and pray. I felt so much more guilt when I sinned. I felt guilt when anybody sinned. I watched an episode of "SpongeBob Square Pants" and I had the thought, "oh man I wish SpongeBob would repent of his sins. He should just be honest with Patrick". I mean I know this is a bit extreme (and comical even), but that's where I was 2 years ago. God consumed my every thought. I was so in love. That focus and excitement, that true intense love consumed me. I was crazy for God.

So what happened since then? I let theology take over. Sure I have a much stronger knowledge of good and bad doctrine- but what does that leave me with? My knowledge didn't die for me. My knowledge didn't cover my sins. Jesus did that. And here I sit, realizing that I’ve had a bit of a falling away from God. I haven't left God. But I pushed Him down on my list. I’ve lost that intense love.

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

I mean it doesn't get more clear than that. I can have all the knowledge in the world, I can know a million doctrines inside and out- but it all adds up to nothing. And here is the scary part- I know I can’t be alone with this thought. To anyone that is reading this, I urge you to examine yourself. Is God number 1 on your list? Is Jesus that thought that makes you smile upon waking up? Is everything you do centered around the Lord? Or like me have you put doctrine first? Have you put knowledge first? Has that intensity left you? And if you are like me- what are you going to do about it? You’re left with this guilt that hurts and cuts you deep. How could I let this happen? Jesus I am so sorry. I didn't even realize this was going on. And I’m just so thankful for next thing you said in this letter...

"Therefore remember from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lampstand out of its place- unless you repent" (Revelation 2:5)

To back up just a bit- that lampstand Jesus is talking about is our church.

"...the seven lampstands are the seven churches" (Revelation 1:20)

Jesus said that He is more than willing to work with us. He said He wants us to to repent and do those deeds we did at first, those deeds that consumed our lives upon receiving salvation. But if we don’t repent? What happens? He made it pretty clear- we lose our church. Does that mean we lose our salvation? No. But we lose that source of light to the world. We lose that shine that reaches out to the community of the lost that need to hear the gospel just as badly as we did.

"If we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1John 1:9).

I don’t want to be like the church of Ephesus. I don’t want my church to be taken away. I want to repent and change quickly. How great is our God? How great is Someone that took our place on our cross? How great is Someone that is willing to look past our own little ego trips and tell us to shape up? I don’t know about you guys but this week and for the rest of my life I want, or need even, to fall in love with Jesus Christ more and more every single day. I only pray that I can encourage you to do the same.