Resolutions/Goals for 2013

1.Break my web addiction:
Last year I spent way too much time on the web. Most of my internet use is for social/communication purposes. Facebook alone probably held the largest portion of my time. This is hypocritical in the highest degree for me because I have a poem called “The Theology of Technology” where I address the problem with the idol we make of media/technology. I can no longer recite this poem if I can’t limit my web usage. Being in school requires I use my computer to put together presentations, type papers, do research, and communicate via email so I won’t be able to stop using my computer altogether, nor do I want to. I know that the gift of technology is great if used in both a proper context and moderation. I just have to learn to limit myself.

2.Stop Missing Church:
Last year I missed a lot of Church once school started. Or when I did go to Church it was at a new Church with friends from school. I wasn’t very settled or focused. This year I’d like to be consistent in my Church attendance at my home Church.

3.Go on a Cruise:
One of my best friends went on a Cruise last summer and had the best time. She had invited me but I was unable to afford it at the time. I’d like to save up this year and go with my friend this summer.

4.Get Arms like Michelle Obama’s:
I hate my arms! They’re so ugly to me. I’ve been losing weight but my arms are an area that needs much toning. I hope to get this part of my body in shape.

5.Get a tan:
I’m tired of being so pale. Last summer I went camping with the youth group. We were at the lake, enjoying our day. This was the only day that had clear weather while we were camping. I wore my bathing suit and didn’t bother with sunblock. Major mistake. Later that evening I was freezing, teeth chattering, and had an awful headache. The next day my face was bright red. When I got home I realized my shoulders and back had blistered. Then I had the fun of waiting for my burn to start peeling. It was painful, unattractive, and unpleasant. I’ve been reading about the best way I could get a tan without burning so I want to try these methods.

6.Poetry Crew:
While at school I’ve had the privilege of meeting some very nice guys that perform spoken word poetry. I’d like to form a group of us that would be interested in putting on different events, speaking at open mic competitions, traveling to different Churches, and speaking to youth groups. The guys and I are supposed to have a meeting once school starts to see where everyone stands and pray about things.

7.Record a video:
Last semester I shared my poetry a lot. 3 open mic events, at Church, class devotionals, or randomly on campus. I was frequently asked if I had any of my work on YouTube. The answer is “no” but there are 2 videos of me on Facebook (requiring you to be my friend to view them). I’d like to get my work on YouTube but I want to be happy with the video. I don’t know how to film or edit anything impressive and I want to make sure I pursue this poetry project carefully. As of right now it looks like a friend of mine at school may be recording a quality video for me and if it turns out nicely, I hope to get my stuff on YouTube.

8.Make more female friends or focus more on the female friendships I have:
God has blessed me with some awesome guy friends. Whether back home in MD (Eric), at my Church (Joel, Jared, Adam), or here at school (Royce, Tanner) - my guys are the best. But I realized this past semester that I really have a small handful of female friends and I don’t get to hang out with them enough. It would be really nice to have more female friends in my life that can appreciate the little things with me (like chick flicks or my appreciation for Ryan Gosling).

9.Weight loss:
Always. I’m so tired of this being a goal. I lost a bit last year. Not enough though. Once school starts I’m going to return to the gym and try to adopt some healthy eating habits. I want to look good for that cruise I mentioned earlier.

10.Go on a date:
Ok so my year of being single ended on October 31st, 2012. I am now free to date. So I’d like to go on a date. I have a friend that seems to think I’m scared of relationships because I’ve decided not to pursue potential relationships with a couple of guys that have asked me out. I’d like to prove my friend wrong and go on a date this year.

But I do have a couple rules:
1. The guy has to ask me out. I refuse to ask a guy out.
2. I have to be friends with him before the date. I don’t want to go out with a stranger. That’s just weird to me.

11.Look more like Jesus:
To do this I must have more of God’s presence in my life. I must meet with Him on a daily basis and I must fall in love with Him all over again. I want to hunger for holiness. I want to be obsessed with God. Right now, this isn’t enough.

Melissa

Last semester when I first met my roommate, Melissa, I had no idea I would make a best friend. Melissa was not the type of company I usually kept. I had imagined I’d meet people at college that were very like-minded. I wanted to befriend theology geeks that enjoyed Christian hip-hop and impressive vocabulary words. I had imagined meeting people like myself. So when I met this artistic, free spirited type, I had no idea what was going to become of this relationship.

The human experience is a funny thing. At first I think we made each other very uncomfortable. I perceived Melissa as this crazy little hippie chick that said ‘dude’ a lot and played a djembe drum. She probably perceived me as this studious close-minded Church geek. But as different as we were, we realized we had so much in common. We could relate to each other on the strangest things. We shared similar past experiences. We even understood the little shades of crazy in each other’s lives, and we didn’t judge each other for them.

Eventually the new wore off of this relationship. I think initially we were really friendly and fake with each other, careful not to offend one another. But I think it dawned on the both of us that we had to live with each other and being fake with each other wasn’t fun. Once this started happening, things went downhill for a bit. We had 2 huge arguments a month or so into the semester. We even had dramatic moments of “I’m leaving this place and I want nothing else to do with you!” We really got on each other’s nerves there for a while. Looking back on this is incredibly comical because we eventually moved on and bonded like nothing had ever happened between us. But I love the fact that we’ll always have angry journal entries written about each other to laugh at.

The rest of the semester was pretty good. We made a lot of friends, hung out all the time, danced in our bedroom, painted together, went thrift store shopping, prayed together, and worshipped a lot. It was pretty smooth sailing for the remainder of our time together. We had a minor argument around the end of the year, but it was over by the next day. Something strange had happened when we weren’t looking- God used us to teach each other lessons we didn’t realize we had needed.

By the end of the semester I found myself to be a different person from who I was around the beginning of the year. I wasn’t as argumentative or quick to debate. I wasn’t so reserved and quiet. I stopped worrying all the time and actually learned how to have fun. I stopped caring so much about what others thought of me and started being myself. I started noticing I wasn’t trying to dress like others or look like others. I was me. I went through a handful of hairstyles, and started wearing whatever made me happy. I decided to start painting- and I love it! I learned how to listen to others even when I disagree with them. I became more comfortable with the reality of God’s work within believers, and even started embracing things that had usually made me uncomfortable. I’d like to say that I even became less judgmental than I was before. I’d say the most noticeable difference was the fact that I had loosened up and learned to enjoy life.

I don’t think I would’ve changed in such a positive manner had it not been for my friendship with Melissa and the way God used her in my life.*Melissa and I have both stated that we’ve impacted each other’s lives, but I don’t think we’ll ever fully recognize how much of an impact we’ve had. Melissa ended up leaving Lee University because she felt called to Kansas City, Missouri. We said goodbye, and agreed to keep in contact. She has said a few times that she could see us doing ministry together in the future. Only God knows if that is part of His plans for our friendship. But during Christmas break I had a pleasant surprise when Melissa called me and let me know she was driving through the area. We hung out for just a bit and prayed together. It was so nice to see her again! When we talked and prayed, I really felt God’s presence. It was such a blessing to me.

She did share the funniest thing with me though. She told me she would be attending a theological seminary next semester. What?!?! I never would’ve guessed she’d one day attend a seminary! Melissa wasn’t big on theology, that was always more my thing. It cracks me up that she is pursuing this and I’m pursuing art. It feels like we switched paths or something.*I’m super blessed and thankful to have had such a great experience. I look forward to posting more about what God has decided to do through our friendship, and any future stories of hanging out.

Christina talks about spiritual unity.

I was discussing unity with a friend. A couple I don't know all that well recently got married and I was impressed by how they seem to be so spiritually united and like-minded. I admire that greatly. While I may not agree with this couple's religious beliefs 100% of the time, I love the fact that they're committed to them and each other. When discussing this with my friend I told him that I hope my husband and I are like that, but the Pentecostal version. I continued to go on about what that looks like inside my head and when I re-read what I had written, I couldn't help but laugh. It's funny but true. The following statement was taken from my conversation:

I want my husband and I to be in ministry and when we receive a phone call at 3AM we get out of bed and he's like "Honey where did I put my anointing oil? I gotta go cast some demons out of this guy and anoint him." and I'll all be like "babe, it's near your Bible. And I'll grab it for you. let's go handle this in Jesus name. They messed with the wrong ministers tonight."

God is writing my love story.

What I'm about to share is deeply personal. I've only shared this with a few close friends. One of my friends, Gabrielle, suggested I blog about this. I put that idea on the back burner for a while because I wasn't sure I wanted to share something so near to my heart. But recent situations have inspired me to share some thoughts I've had about the possibility of marriage in my future.

I'm single. I've never been in a serious relationship before. I turn 26 in March of 2012. I recently heard a statistic suggesting that 26 was the average age of brides in the USA. I'd like to get excited about this because if I'm average, I should be walking down that aisle sometime next year. But lets face it, my plans and my ways are far different from what God may have planned for me.

I look around at my friends and it seems like most of them are married. Some of them have already had or are expecting their first child. My other friends are engaged. I know 2 couples that have been able to change their Facebook status to "engaged" recently. I was even able to attend my first wedding this September. I feel like marriage is all around me. Please don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly happy for these friends of mine. I have no doubt that God has ordained these marriages and love stories they share. But I must confess that I feel like the marriage boat is passing me by as I stand upon the dock, watching everyone else board.

It doesn't help that I'm such a cheesy romantic at heart. My friend Eric always jokes about how he can so easily imagine me laying on my bed, writing in my journal, while listening to love songs by Taylor Swift, and just sighing in agreement. It's easy to imagine (probably because I've lived out that moment more than once). I get giddy and whimsical when I think about romance. I've spent so much time thinking about marriage here lately. I daydream about my future husband, our wedding, and our family. I also get overly excited about the idea of having someone I can talk to all the time about God, someone that I can pray with, someone I can worship with, someone I can minister with, and someone I can have Bible study with. I truly desire these things.

I could easily date around and see if I meet the right guy. But that's not what I want, not at all. I think our culture's idea of dating is very flawed and leaves a lot to be desired. I'd rather just have a friendship turn to something more. I don't want to pursue someone just because I'm longing for a relationship. I want something with a true foundation of love and friendship. Because if I can't be friends with someone, I probably can't expect much from a romantic relationship.

Well a couple of months back I was praying about what God would have in store for me. I truly believe God spoke to me about dating and has advised me to remain single for at least a year. When praying about this God lead me to the book of Esther and showed me something very interesting within that book.

"Each young woman’s turn came to go in to King Ahasuerus after she had completed twelve months’ preparation, according to the regulations for the women, for thus were the days of their preparation apportioned: six months with oil of myrrh, and six months with perfumes and preparations for beautifying women." Esther 2:12

Before Esther was to marry and become queen she was prepared for a year with beauty treatments. Now I'm not suggesting that God told me to head to the salon in 2012. But I do believe there is something very special for Christian women to take note of here. What preparations are we making for our future marriages? Are we going to be ready, are we going to be as beautiful as we can be for our husbands? This is not just a physical thing. God is not a shallow God that is merely concerned about the outside. God sees our heart. I believe God also spent this year with Esther preparing her spiritually. I believe God has told me that He will beautify me both physically and spiritually this year, but my eyes must remain upon Him.

What does this mean for me? It means I need to stop trying to be such a princess when it comes to marriage. I need to trust what God has spoken to me and walk in obedience. I need to stop daydreaming so much. I need to avoid flirting or anything that could be misconstrued as such. I need to trust that God is writing my love story. So that's what I will aim to do over this next year. I pray that I will not waste this precious time, nor will I dread it. I will aim to use my every day and my every word as a way to glorify God in my singleness, and if He wills it, one day I hope to glorify God in my marriage. But for now I desire my heart to belong solely to the Lord, after all the Scriptures say:

"For your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts..." Isaiah 54:5

Need a hug?

Have you ever had one of those days where all you really needed was a hug? There is just something really special and intimate about a hug given at the right time. There is something about an embrace from a loved one that just lifts your spirits and reaffirms your value in their eyes. Such a simple physical affection can bring so much comfort to your soul.

Confession: I'm a bit of a hugger. I try to contain it at times. But once in a while I do catch people off guard as I throw my arms around them. I've always appreciated hugs. I know I'm not the only one. One of my favorite spoken word poets, Bradley Hathaway, has a poem about how great it would be to hug God. You can find that poem here. I really identify with this. If only God could embrace us in this way and provide that comfort we so often crave.

What I'm about to share is not an original discovery of my own within the Scriptures. I heard a message preached last week on television that really left me in awe of our God. I decided to research what the pastor said and found it to be true. So I pray this discovery comforts you as it has me.

In chapter 10 of Acts, Peter shares the Gospel message of Jesus Christ. He finishes up by saying (verse 43):

"To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins."

This powerful message was accompanied by God's presence as we're told in the very next verse (verse 44):

"While Peter yet spake these words, the Holy Ghost fell on all them which heard the word."

Now I'd like to go back to the book of Luke. Most of us are familiar with the story of the prodigal son found in Luke 15. We rejoice as we read of the son's return in verse 20 which states:

"And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him." (KJV)

It's interesting that these 2 stories that seem very different have something major in common- the word "fell". The Greek word used here is "epipipto" and it means to embrace with affection. Just as the Father embraces his son with that much needed hug, so the Holy Spirit also hugs us when He falls upon us.

The idea of a hug from God can be a reality when the Holy Spirit falls upon us, for it is God Himself hugging us. Notice that this happened when the powerful Gospel message was shared. Need a hug from God? Speak the Gospel truth and take comfort in the presence of the Holy Spirit as He wraps His arms around you.

New Year's Resolutions

Ok so every year my friend Eric and I post New Year's Resolutions blogs. Usually I end up deleting the list after a month or so because I feel like a failure when I reflect on how many I've actually kept. Though I would say that I've kept 2 of my resolutions/goals of 2011. I wanted to grow in godliness. While I'm not as holy as I'd like to be, I have noticed maturity. I also wanted to lose weight. Currently I'm down 56 pounds. I think the reason I so often fail to keep these resolutions is because I put too much pressure on myself at the beginning of the year and the slightest slip up gets me discouraged to the point of giving up and moving on. But as a whole, 2011 has been a year of change for me and I'm thankful that God has blessed me.

So here are 10 goals/resolutions I have for the year of 2012 in no particular order:

1. Holiness- I'd like to continue to grow in godliness. I want to be more devoted to God. I want to be more devoted to worship, prayer, Bible study, and ministering to others. I want to love others more than I do and really show that love. I want God to use me to serve Him by serving the Church. I want to be in love with God more than anyone or anything else. I also want to become a prayer warrior that talks to God so much that God finds Himself overwhelmed with me.

2. Weight loss- My weight loss focus for 2011 didn't really begin until about half way through the year, maybe even later. I need to work on my diet and keep avoiding those cookies. I want to spend the whole year of 2012 working on this. I want to spend a lot of time in the gym working out and toning certain areas. I also have a lot of personal fitness goals I desire to reach. I believe God has been blessing my efforts so far and I give Him all the glory for this.

3. Financial goals- I'm currently looking for a job and recently had a phone interview. Hopefully this all comes together for me. I am hopeful that 2012 will be a year where I become faithful in my giving/tithing, I'd like to purchase a car, and provide for my family.

4. IHOP- I really want to visit the International House Of Prayer and spend some time in worship there. Even a weekend trip would do.

5. Remain single- I know that's an odd sounding goal. Around the end of October of 2011 I believe God spoke to my heart about remaining single for at least a year. I want God to rid my heart of that desire for a relationship until the time is right, and help me walk in obedience. I want to stop flirting and daydreaming about romance, stop pursuing relationships, and just allow God to write my love story.

6.Hang out with Eric- So I have this friend that is like a brother to me. His name is Eric. I haven't seen him in person in over 4 years. I just need a couple days to hang out with him and laugh. He currently lives in MD, and I'm in TN.

7. Learn to speak Spanish- Thanks to my good friend John I have a lot of books that could help me with this. I've just been too lazy to pursue this goal. I'd love to learn the language and be able to minister in whatever way God would use this.

8. Perform a spoken word piece in public- I enjoy writing poetry and lately I've developed a love for word play. I want to share one of these poems at an open mic event.

9. Be outdoorsy- I want to go camping, hiking, swimming, fishing, maybe even rock climbing. If it's outside, I want to do it.

10. Read more- I've got a Kindle, I've got a box of books. I always say I want to do this but rarely follow through with it. I mean I read, but not enough to look back and say "Wow, I read a good amount that year."

Galatians 2:20

Tonight at Church we discussed Galatians 2:20 which says:

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

We discussed how Christ held nothing back when it came to His sacrifice. He sacrificed everything for us, His entire life upon this earth.

Jesus was so willing to make sacrifices all for the sake of love. He loved the Father, He loved the comforter that would soon come (the Holy Spirit), and He loved those that would call upon Him for salvation. He loved so intensely, so severely, that laying down His life was proof of this. He even told us that His love was sincere when he explained that "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends." (John 15:13)

He gave it all. When is the last time we gave everything within us, everything we have to glorify God? I sometimes give God bits and pieces of my heart. I sometimes have a burst of dedication to Christ manifest within my spirit. But I feel I can honestly say I rarely (if ever) have a selfless, dedicated, truly focused sacrifice when it comes to glorifying God.

Our sin did not come free. It cost Christ everything. Now we'll never be able to repay Him. But I hope to live a life of dedication, making whatever sacrifices I can. He held back nothing when it came to His love for us. We should hold nothing back when it comes to our love for Him. Let us walk in sacrificial love for God's glory.